HONG KONG – “We couldn’t take any chances,” lamented James Lee, a spokesman for the theme park, when it was announced earlier this week that the beloved Disney mascot had to be put down as to prevent the Wuhan virus from spreading throughout Hong Kong. Also known as the Coronavirus, the illness has already spread from the mainland as countries scramble to stem the wave of infections.
“He had already coughed on a kid near Grizzly Mountain,” continued Mr. Lee, “so groundskeepping quickly put him down with one of the loaded rifles we keep at Geyser Gulch.” Mickey was pronounced dead from his wounds and, without waiting for the necropsy results to confirm traces of the Wuhan virus, delivered to the crematorium on Main Street, USA, for disposal.