Technology
Chipotle Allows Workers to Make Burritos at Home to Limit Virus Exposure
DENVER, CO – As coronavirus sweeps across the only industrialized nation without paid sick leave, many employers are torn between stemming the tide of the pandemic and maintaining their bottom...
Chipotle Allows Workers to Make Burritos at Home to Limit Virus Exposure
DENVER, CO – As coronavirus sweeps across the only industrialized nation without paid sick leave, many employers are torn between stemming the tide of the pandemic and maintaining their bottom...
Private Sidewalk Startup Tests Market for NYC Elite
NEW YORK CITY - Have you ever wished for a fast-lane on a busy sidewalk for your morning commute, or maybe a wider, more luxurious lane to enjoy a weekend...
Long Overdue: Bloomberg Terminals Apologize for Detaining Trades
NEW YORK CITY – “I was wrong,” former mayor and presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg admitted in a shocking apology this week, “I now realize that over-regulation of normal citizens just...
Netflix Complies with Takedown Request from the Upside Down
LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming giant revealed that it has amended some episodes of its hit show Stranger Things to remove unfavorable references to the Upside Down, according to...
Raytheon Warns Customer Lifetime Value of Missiles Approaching All-Time Lows
WALTHAM, MA – At Raytheon’s Chief Executive Officer Tom Kennedy warned shareholders of plummeting value of the firm’s missile product line unless the United States, as well as the rest...
Goop Laboratory Scientists Achieve Quantum Vagina
SANTA MONICA, CA – Top scientists celebrated a momentous discovery this week, the first confirmed instance of a quantum vagina under controlled conditions. The institution behind the research, Goop Laboratories,...
IBM Bets Big on Pivot to Unprofessional Services
ARMONK, NY – With better-than-expected earnings to round out the last quarter, senior leadership at Big Blue (IBM) announced during their annual earnings call how they intend to generate value...
New TikTok Security Flaw Allows Users to View How They Die
LOS ANGELES – According to research by a leading cybersecurity firm, a serious vulnerability has allowed some users of the social media network TikTok to view their own deaths at...
The Long Con: How Carlos Ghosn Escaped in the Glove Box of His Nissan Altima
TOKYO – “We thought it was strange when he told us to make the glove box large enough for a 60-year-old Lebanese man,” recalls Akira Miyamoto, lead automotive designer on...
Peloton Stock Plummets After Bikes Fail Road Test
NEW YORK CITY – Peloton (PTON), the exercise equipment company, is “taking a step back to reassess” after their luxury bicycle failed multiple road tests earlier this week. The setback...
Pornhub Introduces Family Accounts
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Disney Facing Backlash for Leaked 'Mandalorian Holiday Special'
BURBANK, CA – Star Wars fans rejoiced when Disney (DIS) first aired The Mandalorian as the flagship program of its new streaming service Disney+, but many have been rankled after...
Tesla Cybertruck Predicted by iCarly Episode in 2011
PALO ALTO, CA – Life often imitates art, and Elon Musk’s breakthrough electric truck is no exception; careful observers have noticed that a strikingly similar vehicle can be seen in...
Kubrick+ Streaming Platform Only Offers Unskippable Version of Barry Lyndon
BURBANK, CA - The new streaming service, hailed by many as “revolutionary,” has made the bold decision to limit its entire catalog to the 1975 period drama, Barry Lyndon. Because...
Are Millenials Texting 'Here' Killing the Home Invasion Industry?
DETROIT, MI - Back in the good old days, just about anyone could go up to someone’s door and ring their doorbell to see if they were home. If no...
Failure to Launch: Only Content Available on Disney+ Animated Robin Hood Gifs
BURBANK, CA - The most anticipated launch of the streaming era hit a major snag this morning as Disney+, the vehicle by which Disney (DIS) plans to exclusively distribute their...
Pulitzer Committee Adds New Category for Bojack Horseman Thinkpieces
NEW YORK CITY - Columbia University announced that this year’s Pulitzer Prize Board will consider a new category, Excellence in Bojack Horseman Thinkpiece Writing. Steve Coll, Dean of the Columbia...
Blizzard Launches WOW Quest Suspiciously Similar to Quelling Hong Kong Protests
HONG KONG, CHINA(?) - Activision Blizzard is in hot water again just weeks after facing backlash for censoring players who support the protests here in Hong Kong. The e-sport giant’s...
Half of All Startups Fails Because People like Dave Can't Get Their Shit Together
NEW YORK CITY - As a leading voice in the business community, Boredroom News has covered the journeys of hundreds of startups and have seen a pattern in these stories....
Real Estate Startup Arrears Transforms Foreclosed Houses into Strip Clubs
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - The 2008 housing bubble devastated few regions more than the Florida coast, but thankfully one startup has set aim for revitalizing the area. The real estate...
Amazon Drones Protest Humane Conditions
SEATTLE, WA - Among the various strikes around the globe that have challenged the retail giant Amazon (AMZN), the latest comes from an dangerously overlooked segment of labor, robots. Autonomous...
Target Announces New Streaming Service from Security Camera Feeds
MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The summer blockbuster has evolved into the the summer binge-watch, and retail giant Target (TGT) is pivoting from purveyor of cheap plastic towel racks to one of...
10 Rules Every Professional Needs To Know About Slack Etiquette
Slack, the workplace collaboration company, started trading on the New York Stock Exchange today, greatly surpassing its private valuation. The popular chat application rolled out into the workforce so quickly,...
WeWork Launches Chain of Bespoke Brothels
NEW YORK CITY - Some of Midtown’s history will be returning later this year as WeWork, the unicorn co-working startup, has chosen 5 Times Square as the flagship location of...
Beyond Meat CEO Driven to Push Beyond All Other Corporeal Limitations As Well
EL SEGUNDO, CA - “Releasing ourselves from the burden of consuming flesh is only the beginning,” announced Ethan Brown to a rapt audience at the headquarters of Beyond Meat, the...
Arby's Introduces Roast Beef & Cheddar with Extra Blockchain
ATLANTA, GA - Maybe the perfect topping on a “mountain of meat” really is a secure, decentralized currency; at least that’s what Arby’s (ARBY) is counting on with the launch...
People Cheese Startup Acquires Maternity Wards Throughout State
LANCASTER, PA - A darling of the food technology space, DareY (pronounced “dairy”), rapidly accelerated their growth this week through the purchase of multiple maternity wards in Eastern Pennsylvania. Although...
Samsung Contracts Del Taco to Maximize Galaxy Foldability
LAKE FOREST, CA - After a major setback in launching the new Galaxy Fold line of phones, Samsung (SSNLF) has returned to the drawing board with aided by Del Taco’s...
TurboTax, Wesley Snipes Lobby Congress for Tax Reform
SAN DIEGO, CA - Politics often make strange bedfellow, even strange spokespeople, and tax law reform is no exception; Intuit (INTU), parent of TurboTax has teamed with actor Wesley Snipes...
Panhandler Extends Omni Channel Presence
AUSTIN, TX - As the digital revolution continues to spread, tech-savvy individuals in every industry have found success – and panhandling is no exception. Bivouacked on Red River Street between...
Fox Revives 'Firefly' After Finding Trove of Unread Letters; 'We Didn't Know People Wanted This'
LOS ANGELES, CA - Stunned Fox executives hurriedly green-lit production of new episodes of beloved former television franchise Firefly on Wednesday after they realized that there had been nearly two...
Embattled Boeing Taps Ghost of Howard Hughes to Design, Pilot 737 Replacement
CHICAGO, IL - “There’s only one man we considered for the job;” announced Boeing Chief Executive Dennis Muilenburg, “Howard Hughes may have died over 40 years ago, but he’s still...
Philadelphia Returns to Wampum Currency to Combat 'Cashless' Retail
PHILADELPHIA, PA - This old school, physical currency might be the next wave of a more egalitarian economy in the City of Brotherly Love. Amid the trend of ‘cashless’ coffee...
Inessential Oils Startup Fails to Gain Traction in Local Facebook Group
GREENSBORO, NC - Despite a fervent marketing push across social media, recent inessential oils startup Scentique is struggling to break into the lucrative ecosystem of the Greensboro Buy/Sell + Small...
Tesla Board Replaces Elon Musk's Phone with Speak & Spell
PALO ALTO, CA - Following another contentious bout between Elon Musk and the Securities Exchange Commission, the Tesla (TSLA) board voted unanimously to replace their Chief Executive’s phone with a...
IBM Rebrands Red Hat, Will Focus on Legacy Windows 98 Support
ARMONK, NY - Accelerating cloud computing was the goal when IBM acquired Red Hat(RHT) last October, and now the technology giant has announced that the former open-source darling will be...
Bezos' Selfies had been Uploaded on Amazon Prime for Weeks Completely Unnoticed
SEATTLE, WA - As the saga of Amazon (AMZN) founder Jeff Bezos’ divorce, and threats of extortion by the National Enquirer over his lewd selfies unfolds, perhaps the most startling...
Slack Changes Logo to the Yellow Sign
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Millions of Slack users noticed a change in the popular chat application Tuesday; the familiar hashtag (or octothorpe) icon had been replaced with a strange symbol,...
Apple Discovers that Underpaid Chinese Laborers Can't Afford $1,000 iPhones
SHENZHEN, CHINA - As Apple (AAPL) posts disappointing revenue projections for the coming year, mainly due to slower sales in China, analysts at the company have been scrambling to pinpoint...
Sexual Harassment Condoned at Uber to Temper IPO Expectations
SAN FRANCISCO - Having filed it’s S-1 with the Securities and Exchange Commission in the last days of 2018, the ride-hailing service Uber is expected to launch it’s initial public...
Facebook Sold Direct Messages, Sexual Fetishes to Pornhub
MENLO PARK, CA - it was another hard week for Facebook (FB) as it closes out a tumultuous year. It was revealed on Monday that the tech giant not only...
After Contentious Bidding War, Al's Liquor 'n' Loan Announces HQ2 Across the Street
LONG ISLAND CITY, QUEENS - After nine months of searching , Al’s Liquor n’ Loan as officially announced that they have chosen the northwest corner of 46 Ave and Vernon...
